Knowing God as “Abba”, as Jesus does, is the goal of the spiritual life. What we believe about God, and how we attach to God, shapes our understanding of everything around us and within us. Even the version of God we may no longer believe in still has a grip on the deepest recesses of our minds. Part of the work of developing intimacy is parsing through our stories and gaining language for our subconscious attachments, so we might find healing and hope. Our new series ABBA, FATHER will help us to identify how we connect with God now, and how we can repair our attachment so we might lay claim to the beautiful vision Jesus gives us of Who God ultimately is.


We can allow labels to confine us and identify us, or we can see them as tools for growth and healing so that we might become our true selves. We live in a world rife with psychological language, which we can see as a net-positive. However, it is commonplace in our era, largely due to social media, to diagnose ourselves in such a way as we over-identify with the boxes rather than using systems like this as a way to draw close to God. For the Christian, our identity is not in a psychological category or a set of letters or numbers, but the fact we are the Beloved of God. We are not our personalities, attachment styles, or mental disorders.

Below is an assessment that helps us explore our attachment styles to God, credit to Krispin Mayfield. In reality, attachment is a spectrum and can change from season-to-season in our lives. This is far from definitive; it is meant to spark curiosity. As you take the assessment, try your best to be honest with yourself and resist the temptation to give the “right” answer.

Take time to pray and ask the Spirit to show you what is lurking beneath the surface. Use a notebook or a note on your phone to take down your responses.


1. I study the Bible…

a. to understand God's message or plan for me.

b. to learn God's plan for the world and build a theological framework for my faith.

c. to make sure I am obeying God and not sinning.

2. At church (in the present or past) others experience me most as...

a. vulnerable and authentic.

b. reliable and helpful.

c. quiet and shy.

3. I believe spiritual growth comes most from...

a. spending time with God in prayer or meditation.

b. learning about God through studying the Bible.

c. rigorous accountability to others.

4. What I find most compelling about Jesus’ life is…

a. God made it possible for us to be together.

b. God fulfilled a salvation plan that began in Genesis.

c. God took the punishment that I deserved.

5. I feel most frustrated with God…

a. when God seems silent.

b. almost never. I don't usually feel frustrated with God.

c. when I feel like God sets standards for holiness I can’t live up to.

6. I feel I fit best when…

a. serving the needs of others (food bank, hospitality, maintenance team, etc.).

b. in an accountability group.

c. in a small group or Bible study.

7. During a musical worship service...

a. I love reading the truth in the lyrics.

b. I feel uncomfortable.

c. I hope to feel close to God, or I do feel close to God.

8. God loves me...

a. just like God loves everyone else.

b. because God has to love me.

c. despite the fact that I don't deserve it.

9. My biggest concern about my relationship with God usually is...

a. Am I continuing to learn the Bible and do what's right?

b. Have I done something wrong that's creating distance between me and God?

c. Am I making God a big enough priority in my life?

10. When I recognize I’ve sinned…

a. I know God has already forgiven me, so no need to talk to God about it.

b. I confess, but I still feel bad.

c. I immediately confess and ask for forgiveness.

11. I worry most about…

a. going to hell or losing my faith.

b. staying emotionally close with God.

c. doing enough for the kingdom of God and the gospel.

12. During quiet time or Bible study, I usually...

a. feel guilty, or I feel pressure to have a "spiritual experience."

b. feel like God has a special message for me.

c. learn things to ground my faith and worldview.

13. When thinking about the Christian life…

a. sometimes I worry if I will ever change or grow.

b. I'm excited about continuing to grow and become more like Jesus.

c. I feel like I do a good job of following Jesus, but there's always room to grow.

14. It seems like God…

a. doesn't move in me, or interact in my life, as much as in the lives of those around me.

b. is just waiting to connect with me.

c. likes me just as much as God likes everyone else in the world.

15. When it comes to decisions in my life...

a. I don't feel capable of making good decisions.

b. l ask God in prayer about nearly all of them.

c. I make them based on my understanding of the Bible.

16. When I follow Jesus's teaching to care for the least of these, my biggest motivation is...

a. that I am emotionally impacted by the suffering of others.

b. to avoid God's judgment of injustice.

c. fulfilling that part of the life of a follower of Jesus.

17. When I think about heaven…

a. I look forward to worshiping God forever.

b. I worry if I will fit in there.

c. I think about what needs to be done before then, like global missions and local ministries.

18. I feel closest to God…

a. during a musical worship service.

b. after l've confessed my sins.

c. learning theology or grasping truths from the Bible.

19. When I don’t have time for my regular spiritual practices…

a. I worry that I'm drifting from God.

b. I feel like God's disappointed with me.

c. I remind myself that my other tasks, like work and family, are important too.

20. When I feel anxiety or sadness...

a. I ask God to help me feel better.

b. I feel like if I really believed the Bible, then I wouldn't feel those emotions.

c. I remind myself of biblical encouragements to "be strong and courageous" and to "rejoice in the Lord always.”


Once you have completed these twenty questions, tally the totals using the table below:

The total in each column corresponds to the following attachment styles:

Column 1: Anxious

Column 2: Avoidant/Shut-Down

Column 3: Disorganized/Shame-Filled



Your results are relative to your current experience; a high number does not necessarily indicate you are overwhelmed by that attachment style. Additionally, this assessment does not test for “secure attachment”, which is our goal in growing with God.

Consider:

  • How did you feel as you took the assessment? Were there any questions that were especially difficult or illuminating for you?

  • When you consider what might be your dominant attachment style, how do you see it playing out in your life?

  • What do you think might be asked of you in order to find healing and hope?